12 July 2011

this is the tale of how dan tried to kill me

Sharks Cove North Shore copy
Dan is a big fan of snorkeling. While in Hawaii I asked him if he would ever want to retire to the islands and go pro. Apparently pro snorkeling isn't a thing. He made fun of me a lot for that question. This just proves that I know very little with regards to the subject of snorkeling.

Anyhow, Dan was so excited about me having the chance to go out and snorkel with him. So one afternoon we packed up all of the gear he had and drove up to the North Shore. The entire car ride I kept telling him I was nervous and had never done anything like this before and to please be a good teacher.

This is the place he picked to take me to snorkel for the first time. Sharks Cove. Notice the large rocks where you enter the water:
Sharks Cove North Shore 2 copy
*Note that while I don't have photos of them there were even bigger, more numerous rocks beneath the surface of the water.

So there I am holding my little mask and breathing tube thingy (technical, I know) following Dan down the narrow path to the water.  I keep telling him I am skeptical, but I am a willing student.  Once we are in the water I ask him what I need to do.

These are the exact instructions given to me:

"Put on the mask, stick this thing in your mouth and don't breathe through your nose."

Really?  That's it.  No, "It gets pretty deep."  Or a "You want to make sure you watch out for waves because they can push you around."  Or how about a, "Don't worry honey there aren't any sharks in the cove and if you do happen to come across one it is of the harmless variety."

Even though my body is right on the surface of the water as soon as I put my face under the surface I immediately feel like I am drowning.  I feel claustrophobic and scared.  This of course means many tries of surfacing and psyching myself up before going back under again.

Dan keeps reassuring me that I am doing a good job and he is going to be right there with me.  Lure them in with a false sense of security and then WHAM.  I've seen enough horror/killer movies.  I know how these things work.

Waves are crashing in all around us and pushing me left and right into rocks.  This just compounds the problem.  So Dan puts on his flippers (I have none) and tells me if we start to swim out further we will be safer.  So I go underwater and WHAM I take a flipper to the face as he kicks me into a huge rock and takes off.

Anyone who has ever had to follow Dan in a car is not surprised by that last statement at all.  There is no "follow me" when it comes to Dan.  As soon as he takes off he forgets you are behind him.  It is that or he tried to kill me.

Either way at that point I give up, take off the mask and make my bloodied trip back to shore.  Did I mention those rocks are sharp?

I entertain myself by taking some photos and watching Dan.
Sharks Cove North Short copy
Look there he is in the yellow shorts just swimming along:
Dan (in yellow shorts) snorkeling in Sharks Cove copy
I also ease drop on a conversation a woman is having with some students.  She looks out and says, "Nope, not today.  This isn't for beginners and the way these waves are coming in today it would be just be dangerous to take the class out here."

It was a false sense of security and an attempt at murder after all I tell ya.

A few days later I decide to forgive the attempted murder by fin to the face and let Dan take me to a different part of the island that has some manmade lagoons.  I tell him that I want to try snorkeling again.  This time we have his little point and shoot camera in a waterproof bag so that I can distract myself from the sense of being closed in underwater by taking photos.

I also made him buy me some fins so I can easily move in the water.

We start to head out and after about 20 feet I get that panicky feeling and turn back.  I tell myself I am going to do this and head back out again.  This time we make it almost half way out to the end of the lagoon before I head back.

I should probably stop right here and add a side note:  I have the natural urge to breathe out of my nose.  I believe most of us do.  Even though I know I should be breathing out of my mouth when snorkeling and that using my nose is only going to make the mask squeeze my face tighter without actually providing me air, I can't resist.  The only way to do remind myself to only use my mouth it is to breathe heavy and quickly in and out.  Think the rhythmic heavy breathing of the creeper guy who sat behind you in math class all through high school and you get the picture.

So there we are in Lagoon 4.  Dan is all but ready to give up on me and snorkel on his own.  I am determined.  So I tell him to hold my hand, which he willingly does and just start heading out.
Holding hands while snorkeling copy
I start to get a little more relaxed and confident.  I even manage to find the bravery to let go of his hand and take some photos of the two of us and even pose for a solo photo:
Dan and I in Lagoon 4 Ko'Olina copy
Me in the water so brave copy
Then out of the corner of my eye I see a shadow.  Is it a turtle?  A mermaid? A shark?!  A WHALE?!  (More likely another person playing around in the water.)
Shadowy figure in the water
All I know is I am not sticking around to investigate further.  Instead I pop my head out of the water and start doggy paddling for my life back to shore.

With my mask still on and the tube thing in my mouth while breathing like a creeper.

Need a visual aid?
Me freaking out in Lagoon 4 copy
Lucky for you Dan swam ahead of me and managed to get one.  That is total fear in my eyes people.

I can only imagine what the three-year-olds who lined the beach playing with their parents thought as they saw this hurdling towards them at rapid dog paddle.

Needless to say I was not asked to go back and snorkel again.  Of course this could have something to do with my taking off the mask and tube and accidentally dropping them while still in the water and not noticing until we were back on land.  Or maybe Dan was the one who dropped them.  We really aren't certain.  What really matters is I am alive to tell the tale.

Bon voyage mask and tube.  Enjoy your time at sea.  Good luck avoiding the whales.  

No comments:

Post a Comment

Pin It button on image hover