26 June 2012

dear burrito, week 14

Dear Burrito,

Well kiddo, this past week wasn't exactly the smoothest.  The doctor I have been seeing lacks a certain something.  Let's call it bedside manner.  This past Tuesday when your sister and I went in for the first appointment of my second trimester, I certainly didn't expect to leave in tears because half way through the exam everything stopped because your heartbeat couldn't be picked up on the doppler.  I had a good cry in the car, throughly confused your sister because she thought she had heard your heart beating (it was mine) and was feeling thrilled, made an ultrasound appointment for the next day and then hit the gym.

By the time I got home I was mad.  I spent the afternoon refusing to take no for an answer and calling several different doctors offices and our insurance company.  If everything goes as planned hopefully in the next ten days I will be getting a letter with the approval to be seen by a different doctor, which will also mean your birth will be in a hospital that I am much more comfortable with.  If it doesn't, Daddy and I will keep fighting.  One thing you need to know about us, Little One, is we don't give up.  We take a stand and we keep fighting for what is right.  I hope you and your sister see that and grow up to be the same way.  Nothing will ever change if people just accept things and roll over.

As for the missing heartbeat, it turns out we had two things working against us.  First, I have a tipped uterus which makes it harder to pick up the heartbeat.  At least according to WebMD; which I may have checked out in a moment of weakness.  Second, we discovered at your ultrasound that you don't sit still.  The poor tech asked me if I had had caffeine (I had not) and said she had never had such a hard time getting a heart beat or measurements on a baby.  All we saw was legs and feet kicking like crazy and little flips and turns all over my belly.  We did finally get you to sit still for a few minutes and saw your strong 150bpm heartbeat.  You are also measuring right on.  So yeah Burrito!  I asked if maybe we could find out if you were a boy or a girl and the tech said all we could do was try.  When you had calmed down and she moved the wand to take a look you snapped your legs shut and refused to move them.  Hyperactive and stubborn?  Work it out of your system now kiddo, because that is not going to fly with your parents once you come out.

I had hoped to get a picture of you while we were there.  I asked, but the machine was out of paper.  It was a bummer, but those images of kicking little legs and feet are forever burned into my memory regardless.

I have felt you move several times now.  The first time being in the shower about two weeks ago.  At first I didn't know what I was feeling, but then I remembered having that exact same feeling with your sister and I knew.  Usually I feel you at night when I am laying on the couch watching TV.  Or when I am in bed getting ready to go to sleep.  It is a good reassuring feeling, so keep it up.

My belly is becoming bigger.  I have been told and read that a person does show sooner with their second pregnancy.  Personally, I think I have just lost a lot of tone and gained a few pounds from all the salty food I crave with how sick I have been with you.  Mabes likes to rub my belly and say, "I can see Burrito!"  This does nothing for my self esteem.  I would like to crawl into a hole and emerge about 20 pounds lighter than I am now.  Since I can't really do that, I have decided to try and really restrict myself to veggies and fruits and lean meats and to do as much as I can at the gym.  Which pretty much means lots of quality time with the elliptical and some of the arm/leg weight machines as well as a Zumba class.  Hopefully that will mean you are a healthy little person when you are born who continues to prefer fruits and veggies to sugary snacks (who I am kidding) and that I will be able to bounce back quickly.  Fingers crossed.

I have been trying to work on teaching your sister that quiet time means playing QUIETLY.  When she was a baby, I went about my regular day during nap time.  I would clean the house, talk on the phone all of that.  However, I didn't pull out tiny humans and recreate all kinds of scenes from Disney at the top of my lungs on the other side of the wall.  She didn't have to nap like that and I don't expect you to either.  So far I haven't been winning this particular battle.  Good thing we still have several more months to work on it.

This past week has been all about taking newborn baby photos.  I have had the best time with all of the cute babies.  I cannot wait for you to come so I can take tons of photos of you.  Your first week of life you may think my face is just a black box with the word Canon stamped on it.  It is a price I am willing to pay for all of the sweet baby cuteness I will capture.

For now you keep growing and I'll keep counting down the days until we get to meet you.

Love,
Mama.


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