23 August 2012

just a bit of rambling

Yesterday started off really well, I was being incredibly productive and Mabes had woken up with her best listening skills.  It wasn't meant to last because by 4 in the afternoon I was literally vacuuming the house while simultaneously sobbing.  It wasn't pretty.  I was exhausted and my body hurts to the point I feel physically sick.

On his way home from work Dan stopped and picked me up some flowers.  He knew that I had been having a rough couple of days and so he thought that the flowers might cheer me up.  I appreciated the gesture immensely.  Unfortunately instead of smiling and thanking him I burst into more tears and kept saying, "I want to not be in pain anymore.  I want to feel like myself again."  Dan is a good guy because he just hugged me and listened to me feel sad and defeated.

I have resigned myself to the fact that feeling like myself and feeling better in general doesn't appear to be a possibility for a long time.  Yes, Christmas isn't far off if you stop to break it down.  But feeling the way I do right now Christmas might as well be 1000 years in the future.

Hugs and kisses from Mabes, understanding from Dan and ninja kicks from Burrito are the only things that make me feel better.

Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled, excited, head over heels in love with our little Burrito.  I would gladly drag this all out for another two years if it meant in the end we would have her in our arms to hold and love on and watch grow into an awesome little person.

After the low of yesterday I made the decision that today Mabes and I are hanging out at the house.  I woke up this morning with an overwhelming urge to stay in my PJs and relax.  Of course my definition of relax is probably not the same as most peoples.

Lately I feel like we are going 100mph with everything.  I needed a day to stay home and work on some photo editing and also maybe turn out a couple of crafts.  I have been itching to get my hands dirty, glue covered, and sewn up with projects and now just seems like the time.  Plus once I get into the crafting zone my mind sort of shuts off and I just work.  Which might be exactly what I need right now.

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