23 October 2012

dear burrito, week 31


My little Burrito,

You are actually not so little anymore.  I know this because as I sit here typing I am pretty sure you have somehow managed to find a way to wedge your legs (or maybe arms?) up into my rib cage, your bottom/head/elbow/knee/something is somehow pushing as hard as it can outwards near my belly button and in general I feel like I am about to bust open so you can finally stretch out.  Are you doing cartwheels in there??  I know there isn't much room and I am sure it has to get cramped being curled up in a little ball...but seriously this isn't working for me, kiddo.  The other night while watching TV I had to sit up straight with perfect posture because if I relaxed at all it seemed like I was squishing you.  Actually I know I was.  I could feel it (which was uncomfortable and hurt both of us) and you would start flailing about like an angry bee the moment I relaxed even a fraction of an inch.  

Is it December 25th yet?

The good news is we probably aren't going to have to wait that long.  I went to the doctor last week and we talked about c-sections vs VBAC options.  I explained how anxious making the choice was making me and we went over all of the questions I had, etc.  In the end we decided that a c-section was probably the best choice in our case for several different reasons.  I felt a lot better after that appointment about your upcoming delivery.  Of course that doesn't mean that I haven't woken up a few nights and just started to cry because I am nervous and worried.  Even though this isn't my first trip to the c-section rodeo doesn't make it less scary.  In fact, I am willing to bet it is even more so this time around.  

Anyhow, the doctor seems to think we will probably schedule your arrival for early in the week right before Christmas.  This is great news because I don't think the nursing staff would be happy to have us haul in a tree and all of Santa's presents to the Mother/Baby unit and I don't think your sister would be happy for us not to.  So it is better for everyone involved (especially Daddy, Santa and I) to be out of the hospital before the 25th.  

At the end of the week we go for an ultrasound.  We are all excited to see you.  Especially since the next time we do lay eyes on you you will actually be here!  Can I just say that it is crazy to think next week I will be able to say, "Harlow comes next month."  WHAT?!

I think the fact that her days as an only child are numbered is starting to hit your sister.  Not to mention that Mabes was the only kiddo for so long (with the exception of one cousin, two years her junior) and suddenly in the course of about seven months she will have gained six more cousins and a sister.  Talk about a baby boom.  We were at lunch the other day and she drew a family picture.  Only the picture didn't include her.  It was just myself, Daddy and you.  We asked her about it and she voiced fears of not being a part of the family anymore, us not being able to love two little girls, etc., etc.  We tried to console her and explained that our hearts are going to grow bigger like the Grinch's heart at the end of his movie so that we can love more, not less.  We told her that she had a very important role in the family as the big sister and no one else could fill it.  She seemed a little better, but still kind of bummed. I think her approach is more of a I'll believe it when I see it type of thing.  As an alternative I offered to put an ad on Craigslist for her: Five-year-old seeking a new family.  I hate watching her struggle.  However, I have no doubts that once you come she will find that all of her fears were for nothing and that she is going to love you more than she thought possible just as everyone else around her will love both of you.   Speaking of which, I hope you are prepared for all the kisses Mabes is going to smother you with.  Every time I turn around she is hugging and kissing my belly.  

I know that no two pregnancies are the same.  If I had any doubts before 31 weeks ago, you managed to squash them quickly.  However, I am a little surprised at the way I have been feeling lately.  Usually your Mama is a get it done type of person.  I am able to run on little sleep (not by choice---I love my sleep), get lots accomplished and usually I feel pretty good.  Anymore I feel tired, lazy, and like my body has been beat down.  I'll admit being really busy, not having Daddy around and not having a chance to go to the gym for two weeks probably hasn't helped.  Little things take their toll like standing in lines at the store result in my feet and calves hurting, running around to do a few errands exhausts me, or even something as simple as tying my shoes leaving me winded all boggle my mind.  This isn't me.  This isn't my body.  What in the world is going on?   

I know it is probably going to get a little worse before it gets better.  It will get better.  I just need to constantly remind myself of that.  

One of the ways I am prepping for your arrival is to try and get all of the Christmas shopping done as far in advance as possible.  Honestly it is exciting to me to think that this year instead of having to run around like a crazy person doing all kinds of last minute things, I can take my time, relax and just enjoy the season, my family and you.  Now if only your sister would stop revising her Christmas list every time I turn around...

Not too many more weeks to go.

We love you very much,
Mama


1 comment:

  1. i can't believe she's coming so soon! cannot wait to see the photos :) these last few weeks seem to take forever, but then she'll be here and you will completely forget how long it took - at least that's the way it was for me. happy you resolved some of your delivery fears!

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